I always meant to write on this topic since Lilian posted about it, but somehow never got around to it.
In Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers published in 2008, he put forth the premise of the "10,000-hour rule", namely the key to success in any field is not talent or genius but simply to practise that task for 10,000 hours. This works out to about 20 hours a week for 10 years.
Gladwell cited specific examples. The Beatles performed live in Hamburg, Germany over 1,200 times from 1960 to 1964, amassing more than 10,000 hours of playing time, which he attributed to shaping their talent. Bill Gates met the 10,000-hour rule when he gained access to a high school computer in 1968 at the age of 13, and spent 10,000 hours programming on it.
I find that like many people with a singular theory or hypothesis, they try too hard to justify their point to the extent of rationalisation and over-simplification. I feel Gladwell completely downplays the importance of talent to make it sound almost inconsequential, ie anyone who puts in 10.000 hours can be great. But common sense tells me that even if I were to swim 10,000 hours, I simply cannot be Michael Phelps because of my physical build, aptitude, etc.
Having said that, I totally agree with him that hard work and practice are more critical for success than genius, and this augurs well for anyone who has ever dismissed their abilities due to lack of talent.
I finally got around to posting about this topic because of the recent inter-school badminton tournaments that Andre experienced late last month. Having been thoroughly impressed by the standard of some of the students, I decided to kaypoh and check out the websites of the top Singapore schools in badminton. What was their secret? Did they manage to attract all the top players? Or did they have some fantastic technique?
One by one, I uncovered the same thing: all the schools list an intensive badminton coaching schedule, some as frequent as every single weekday, 3 hours each time. On top of this, I know some of the kids have additional coaching sessions outside of school.
So really, the secret is no secret at all. It's just plain and simple hard work. (Of course with that schedule, I've no idea where the kids find the time to study and do their homework, but that's another story). A friend of mine has a daughter in primary school who's doing very well in gym and has been participating in overseas competitions. However, she told me that realistically, Singapore has little chance outside of ASEAN because here, training is at most a few hours each day, to fit in studies and other activities. Whereas in China, the kids who train for gym live and breathe gym - they basically do gym from morning to night, everyday. They just amass 10,000 hours to perfection... quicker.
In short, talent is great, but without hard work, it means nothing. All great talents and successes in history have invested immense effort and time into what they do. Conversely, it's also time for people who keep whining that they cannot achieve anything because they have no talent, to get off their butts and start working because they have no more excuses.
Knowing that you have a terrific chance of excelling in something if you put in the hours means there are important decisions to be made. Everyone has a finite number of hours in a day, so where would you invest those hours? Something has got to give. As Lilian suggested in her post, most Singapore kids probably spend those hours in drills for exams. If so, then it's no wonder our kids tend to ace exams but they don't have time to develop much else.
So I'll just leave you to consider this: your child has 10,000 hours to master a skill, what would it be? I hope it's something more meaningful than exam techniques.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Reflections on competitive sports for kids Part 2
One of the first things I discovered as a noob badminton mum (as opposed to the soccer mum), was that not all sports are created equal. I'm not talking about prestige or sports techniques - I'm referring to the psychological impact on the child. This is most apparent when we compare team sports vs individual sports. Simply put, in a team sport, the pressure to win is shared among all the players whereas in individual sports, the responsibility lies squarely on one person. One of Andre's friends dropped out of badminton and switched to hockey instead because he didn't like the pressure that came with an individual sport.
Even among individual sports, there are differences and this is purely from my observation. In sports like swimming, track and field or wushu, the focus is on individual performance, bettering a record or clocking a time. There is less of a sense of "losing" a game vs you merely didn't win. Whereas with sports where you directly compete against someone, eg. racquet sports, judo or fencing, the focus is on defeating your opponent. Either you win or you lose.
These one-on-one, face-to-face matches require a certain level of self-confidence and nerve, as I discovered. In December last year, we signed Andre up for a badminton competition. This being his first competition, he had no idea what to expect. He didn't know what the procedures were, even when to switch courts or take a water break. Unfortunately, he met a very strong opponent in the first round who obviously had matches under his belt, and was decimated. Halfway through the match when it was clear that Andre was losing, his shoulders slumped and we could tell that he had given up. He was devastated at losing the match and cried himself to sleep that night. This being the first experience for us parents as well, we were not prepared on how to handle the situation.
It was then that I realised just how big an emotional toll competitive sports can have on kids. For these youngsters, we can spout competition for the experience and sportsmanship but chances are, they just want to win. In the inter-school badminton competition, I saw signs of this everywhere. More than one child, after losing a match, broke down. In fact, the self-confidence was so fragile that often, when they lose one set, they almost always concede the second set easily. Only those with more experience or maturity were able to keep their cool and fight back.
Think about it, even professional athletes have been known to break down in defeat, let alone 9-year-olds. I remember watching the classic 1992 French Open finals between Steffi Graf and Monica Seles. It was closely fought and when Seles eventually pipped her rival to take the title, Graf was practically in tears.
I'd previously voiced my opinion to the head of PE in Andre's school that sports shouldn't be about winning (when he was considering scrapping badminton as a CCA) and he made this comment, "That's true but it's very demoralising for kids to keep losing." Much as I want to dismiss this as glib, I now know this has an element of truth. While sports shouldn't just be about the medals, to have a continuous streak of losses is extremely demoralising, especially for young kids. It takes a very determined and self-assured individual (plus supportive parents) to be able to pick himself up every single time and go on.
And here's the rub: there's a chance that certain kids may never be able to perform at the winning level - there are no guarantees in sports. How many losses will it take to completely erode a child's self-esteem? That's why I was so thankful that Andre managed to win a couple of matches - it's easier to learn how to lose when you've won some.
A friend whose son is a secondary school tennis player told me she hates watching his matches because it's so hard to see him lose, sometimes due to bad sportsmanship on his opponent's end. When he was in primary school, sometimes after he had lost a match, he would come home and cry bitterly. Today, he's doing very well but make no mistake about it, it's a tough road.
I think as parents, if our kids choose this path, we have to be mentally prepared. Competitive sports for kids in Singapore can be pretty ruthless. At the badminton inter-school tournament, one mother overheard a coach telling his students, "Remember, the face is the target. Aim for the target." It's not illegal, just very aggressive play. Sometimes, there's even a complete disregard for sportsmanship. I blame this on a culture that constantly emphasises and rewards winning.
Andre's badminton coach feels that Singapore stresses too much on competitions - he thinks there's plenty of time for that later and that the focus should be on laying the foundation for a love of the sport and developing skills instead. Ang Peng Siong, ex-national swimmer and swim coach, cautions against putting kids through intensive sports training too early as there is a risk of burnout due to physical and mental immaturity.
I hear this all the time, that sports is great for character moulding and I agree, but I believe that not every child is suited for COMPETITIVE sports. Some kids cannot handle the pressure, others are just too sunny and placid to muster that important "killer instinct", some just don't have the drive. Yet some others may simply need more time to mature.
These are my reflections based on my own observations. Our decisions for Andre are also largely influenced by his personality and his passion. So this is the only advice I can offer - to take the cue from your child's disposition and interests, and decide whether this is a suitable route for him.
Even among individual sports, there are differences and this is purely from my observation. In sports like swimming, track and field or wushu, the focus is on individual performance, bettering a record or clocking a time. There is less of a sense of "losing" a game vs you merely didn't win. Whereas with sports where you directly compete against someone, eg. racquet sports, judo or fencing, the focus is on defeating your opponent. Either you win or you lose.
These one-on-one, face-to-face matches require a certain level of self-confidence and nerve, as I discovered. In December last year, we signed Andre up for a badminton competition. This being his first competition, he had no idea what to expect. He didn't know what the procedures were, even when to switch courts or take a water break. Unfortunately, he met a very strong opponent in the first round who obviously had matches under his belt, and was decimated. Halfway through the match when it was clear that Andre was losing, his shoulders slumped and we could tell that he had given up. He was devastated at losing the match and cried himself to sleep that night. This being the first experience for us parents as well, we were not prepared on how to handle the situation.
It was then that I realised just how big an emotional toll competitive sports can have on kids. For these youngsters, we can spout competition for the experience and sportsmanship but chances are, they just want to win. In the inter-school badminton competition, I saw signs of this everywhere. More than one child, after losing a match, broke down. In fact, the self-confidence was so fragile that often, when they lose one set, they almost always concede the second set easily. Only those with more experience or maturity were able to keep their cool and fight back.
Think about it, even professional athletes have been known to break down in defeat, let alone 9-year-olds. I remember watching the classic 1992 French Open finals between Steffi Graf and Monica Seles. It was closely fought and when Seles eventually pipped her rival to take the title, Graf was practically in tears.
I'd previously voiced my opinion to the head of PE in Andre's school that sports shouldn't be about winning (when he was considering scrapping badminton as a CCA) and he made this comment, "That's true but it's very demoralising for kids to keep losing." Much as I want to dismiss this as glib, I now know this has an element of truth. While sports shouldn't just be about the medals, to have a continuous streak of losses is extremely demoralising, especially for young kids. It takes a very determined and self-assured individual (plus supportive parents) to be able to pick himself up every single time and go on.
And here's the rub: there's a chance that certain kids may never be able to perform at the winning level - there are no guarantees in sports. How many losses will it take to completely erode a child's self-esteem? That's why I was so thankful that Andre managed to win a couple of matches - it's easier to learn how to lose when you've won some.
A friend whose son is a secondary school tennis player told me she hates watching his matches because it's so hard to see him lose, sometimes due to bad sportsmanship on his opponent's end. When he was in primary school, sometimes after he had lost a match, he would come home and cry bitterly. Today, he's doing very well but make no mistake about it, it's a tough road.
I think as parents, if our kids choose this path, we have to be mentally prepared. Competitive sports for kids in Singapore can be pretty ruthless. At the badminton inter-school tournament, one mother overheard a coach telling his students, "Remember, the face is the target. Aim for the target." It's not illegal, just very aggressive play. Sometimes, there's even a complete disregard for sportsmanship. I blame this on a culture that constantly emphasises and rewards winning.
Andre's badminton coach feels that Singapore stresses too much on competitions - he thinks there's plenty of time for that later and that the focus should be on laying the foundation for a love of the sport and developing skills instead. Ang Peng Siong, ex-national swimmer and swim coach, cautions against putting kids through intensive sports training too early as there is a risk of burnout due to physical and mental immaturity.
I hear this all the time, that sports is great for character moulding and I agree, but I believe that not every child is suited for COMPETITIVE sports. Some kids cannot handle the pressure, others are just too sunny and placid to muster that important "killer instinct", some just don't have the drive. Yet some others may simply need more time to mature.
These are my reflections based on my own observations. Our decisions for Andre are also largely influenced by his personality and his passion. So this is the only advice I can offer - to take the cue from your child's disposition and interests, and decide whether this is a suitable route for him.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Reflections on competitive sports for kids Part 1
When it became clear that Andre was serious about pursuing his love for badminton, I had the typical Singaporean mum concern - would he be able to cope with his studies?
This question is a tough one to answer. On one hand, it's true that sports training does take up an enormous chunk of time. When he was preparing for competition, his schedule was so packed that each day, he barely had enough time to go to school, go for training and finish his homework. His leisure time was negligible.
On the other hand, I found that competition actually increased his motivation level. Despite having less play time, he was more conscientious in his homework, complained less about studying and got everything done with minimal stalling. This is in line with a study done in the US which found that students in the school football team actually achieved better grades during the football season than off-season!
I attribute this seemingly contradictory result to the simple fact that for many kids passionate about sports, the sport grounds them and gives them a purpose in life. If you think about it, for a 9-year-old child whose life evolves around school, tuition and enrichment classes, even with play time, it can get pretty monotonous and aimless (few kids can be inspired by working towards an exam). Competitive sports, in particular, adds a fixed goal and that gives them something to work towards. For Andre, it provided the motivation to get all his work done properly so that he could concentrate on his badminton.
A friend of mine shared a similar anecdote. Her daughter was in the school volleyball team and due to the heavy time demands, her parents decided to pull her out to focus on her studies. To their alarm, her grades actually slid, despite having more study time. Realising their error, they promptly reinstated her in the volleyball team. According to my friend, by pulling her out the sport, it actually removed her focus in life and affected her other areas as well.
On one occasion, I had the opportunity to speak to the boss of the badminton academy that Andre trains with. As a coach and ex-professional player, he has seen many kids grow up in the sporting arena. Apart from the many obvious health benefits, sports provide other intangible advantages. He shared that kids, boys in particular, are at their most dangerous age from 14-17 as that's when they are most susceptible to peer pressure and have sufficient independence to rebel.
According to him, sports is a great way to keep them on the straight and narrow as it instills all the positive values of discipline, teamwork and determination. In addition, the boys will usually keep company with other fellow athletes, especially those they train with and this friendship tends to be more wholesome, bound by their common interest in the sport.
Of course nothing in life is ever black-and-white. It's not all roses and sunshine - there are also many challenges in letting your child enter competitive sports, as I've come to discover. I meant to cover everything in one post but found that I had too much to say! So look out for Part 2.
This question is a tough one to answer. On one hand, it's true that sports training does take up an enormous chunk of time. When he was preparing for competition, his schedule was so packed that each day, he barely had enough time to go to school, go for training and finish his homework. His leisure time was negligible.
On the other hand, I found that competition actually increased his motivation level. Despite having less play time, he was more conscientious in his homework, complained less about studying and got everything done with minimal stalling. This is in line with a study done in the US which found that students in the school football team actually achieved better grades during the football season than off-season!
I attribute this seemingly contradictory result to the simple fact that for many kids passionate about sports, the sport grounds them and gives them a purpose in life. If you think about it, for a 9-year-old child whose life evolves around school, tuition and enrichment classes, even with play time, it can get pretty monotonous and aimless (few kids can be inspired by working towards an exam). Competitive sports, in particular, adds a fixed goal and that gives them something to work towards. For Andre, it provided the motivation to get all his work done properly so that he could concentrate on his badminton.
A friend of mine shared a similar anecdote. Her daughter was in the school volleyball team and due to the heavy time demands, her parents decided to pull her out to focus on her studies. To their alarm, her grades actually slid, despite having more study time. Realising their error, they promptly reinstated her in the volleyball team. According to my friend, by pulling her out the sport, it actually removed her focus in life and affected her other areas as well.
On one occasion, I had the opportunity to speak to the boss of the badminton academy that Andre trains with. As a coach and ex-professional player, he has seen many kids grow up in the sporting arena. Apart from the many obvious health benefits, sports provide other intangible advantages. He shared that kids, boys in particular, are at their most dangerous age from 14-17 as that's when they are most susceptible to peer pressure and have sufficient independence to rebel.
According to him, sports is a great way to keep them on the straight and narrow as it instills all the positive values of discipline, teamwork and determination. In addition, the boys will usually keep company with other fellow athletes, especially those they train with and this friendship tends to be more wholesome, bound by their common interest in the sport.
Of course nothing in life is ever black-and-white. It's not all roses and sunshine - there are also many challenges in letting your child enter competitive sports, as I've come to discover. I meant to cover everything in one post but found that I had too much to say! So look out for Part 2.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em
It's the start of the new school year and I think I hear the collective sigh of relief from parents across Singapore.
Every opening of the academic year, I feel a sudden release of freedom, especially if the kids have been bouncing off walls due to an accumulation of festive starch and sugars in their metabolism-enhanced, hyper little bodies. By the last week of the school holidays, I'll usually be counting down the number of days until they're out of my hair again.
But you know, even before I can enjoy the peace, I'll notice something else... the silence. No sounds of bickering, of toys crashing against hard floors, of tears and childish giggles. And in a perverse way, I actually miss it all.
Therein lies the contradiction - I can't wait to get the kids out of the house and the minute they do, I find myself waiting for them to come home. Especially this year since Lesley-Anne is starting secondary school, I have been warned by other more experienced parents:
"I have to make an appointment with my son if I want to talk to him!"
"Her school hours will be worse than that of a work day."
"I think I've forgotten what my kid looks like, I never see him in daylight anymore."
I've long realised that my child will come to spend an increasing proportion of her precious growing years in school, out of my reach. My selfish desire to monopolise her time is nowhere as important as the fact that her teachers, peers and friends will have a far greater influence on her from now than me, simply due to frequency of contact.
It is no coincidence that the teenage years are often the ones where many parents complain of being distanced from their kids or despair over their kids going astray. An iron fist may be tough but it's no use if the child is far away. We may spout words of wisdom but they will have limited effectiveness against the constant chatter of friends, ten hours a day.
What's a parent to do? For me, I feel that the panacea is to ensure that the foundation is built during the primary school years. I've often shared this view with my friends that steadfast character traits need to be constructed and fortified during the tween ages, to form the basic building block that will hold the child steady and guide her steps in the future.
This is not to say that the child can't still wander off the straight and narrow later on - it's free will afterall - but the chances of this happening are less. It's risky to wait until the child is a teenager to try and instil values, when parental influence is greatly reduced (not to mention the distasteful condition characterised by teenage angst and anti-establishment tendencies *shudder*).
We've always been rather strict when it comes to ethical lessons for our kids, sometimes to the point of being naggy, as our kids will testify ("Yeeeeeess mummeeeeee"). With Lesley-Anne hitting secondary school, I recognise that these opportunities will taper off.
But it's ok because that's the way it should be. As she matures, she should be allowed to chart her own path and make more decisions on her own. She knows I will always be there if she needs me, but it's too much to hope that she will share every detail with me. In such instances, I can only hope and trust that her moral compass will direct her steps, and help her back onto the path when she takes a misstep.
The quiet beckons. Maybe it's not so bad afterall. I'll just have that cup of coffee and finish some work... only a few more hours till they're let out from school.
Every opening of the academic year, I feel a sudden release of freedom, especially if the kids have been bouncing off walls due to an accumulation of festive starch and sugars in their metabolism-enhanced, hyper little bodies. By the last week of the school holidays, I'll usually be counting down the number of days until they're out of my hair again.
But you know, even before I can enjoy the peace, I'll notice something else... the silence. No sounds of bickering, of toys crashing against hard floors, of tears and childish giggles. And in a perverse way, I actually miss it all.
Therein lies the contradiction - I can't wait to get the kids out of the house and the minute they do, I find myself waiting for them to come home. Especially this year since Lesley-Anne is starting secondary school, I have been warned by other more experienced parents:
"I have to make an appointment with my son if I want to talk to him!"
"Her school hours will be worse than that of a work day."
"I think I've forgotten what my kid looks like, I never see him in daylight anymore."
I've long realised that my child will come to spend an increasing proportion of her precious growing years in school, out of my reach. My selfish desire to monopolise her time is nowhere as important as the fact that her teachers, peers and friends will have a far greater influence on her from now than me, simply due to frequency of contact.
It is no coincidence that the teenage years are often the ones where many parents complain of being distanced from their kids or despair over their kids going astray. An iron fist may be tough but it's no use if the child is far away. We may spout words of wisdom but they will have limited effectiveness against the constant chatter of friends, ten hours a day.
What's a parent to do? For me, I feel that the panacea is to ensure that the foundation is built during the primary school years. I've often shared this view with my friends that steadfast character traits need to be constructed and fortified during the tween ages, to form the basic building block that will hold the child steady and guide her steps in the future.
This is not to say that the child can't still wander off the straight and narrow later on - it's free will afterall - but the chances of this happening are less. It's risky to wait until the child is a teenager to try and instil values, when parental influence is greatly reduced (not to mention the distasteful condition characterised by teenage angst and anti-establishment tendencies *shudder*).
We've always been rather strict when it comes to ethical lessons for our kids, sometimes to the point of being naggy, as our kids will testify ("Yeeeeeess mummeeeeee"). With Lesley-Anne hitting secondary school, I recognise that these opportunities will taper off.
But it's ok because that's the way it should be. As she matures, she should be allowed to chart her own path and make more decisions on her own. She knows I will always be there if she needs me, but it's too much to hope that she will share every detail with me. In such instances, I can only hope and trust that her moral compass will direct her steps, and help her back onto the path when she takes a misstep.
The quiet beckons. Maybe it's not so bad afterall. I'll just have that cup of coffee and finish some work... only a few more hours till they're let out from school.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Good tidings for 2010
Here we are on 31 December, at the turn of yet another year. Every year, I marvel at how quickly time has flown by and this year is no exception. If you're like me, this is probably the day you do some reflection over what you have achieved, cringe a little over the mistakes you've made and hope that the clean slate for the following year brings something better.
As we ring in 2010, I pondered over what I would wish my readers and I came up with two.
For parents, I wish you wisdom. Wisdom to:
As we ring in 2010, I pondered over what I would wish my readers and I came up with two.
For parents, I wish you wisdom. Wisdom to:
- know when to reign in and when to let go
- discern the difference between sufficient and excess
- know that the measure of a child is character, not exam scores
- realise that perfection is as bland (and fake) as a Stepford wife
- differentiate between your child's glory and your own glory
- see all things in perspective, and if not, friends who can show you the light
- is compassionate towards others and kind to self
- understands the value of diligence
- is upright without being uptight
- covets little and is grateful for much
- values the wisdom of parents... and overlooks the slips
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